


Because You Are Him

by lunarsilverwolfstar



Series: Random Prompts, Multiple Fandoms [6]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dimension Cannon, F/M, Pete's World, Post-Episode: s04e13 Journey's End
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 00:13:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5890567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarsilverwolfstar/pseuds/lunarsilverwolfstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It’s not what it looks like."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because You Are Him

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kelkat9](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelkat9/gifts).



> Prompted by Kelkat9 last month. Finally got around to writing it after having the shittiest day yesterday. At least it got the creative juices flowing? Hope you enjoy! HUGE thanks to Endelda/imadethisblogtofollowyou for looking it over.

The Doctor froze when he heard light footsteps approaching. He didn't have time to hide everything spread on the work surface. He couldn't even pretend to be working on something else. She knew this machine inside and out. As soon as she stood on the other side of the table, he blurted out, "It’s not what it looks like." His heart beat quickly from simply watching her bring her shoulders back, arms crossing over her chest. He watched her tuck her emotions away, but before he could say anything else, she spoke.

"When are you leaving?" Rose was looking everywhere but at him.

His throat dried up as he tried to unfold the words that were right at the tip of his tongue. The Doctor had an argument for anything he thought she'd throw at him, but he never predicted she would be so blunt. "By, by when do you want me to leave?"

Her brows knit together and he wanted nothing more than to smooth away the creases that appeared between them. "I…" she hesitated and it was enough for him to jump in.

"I'll need to find another place to stay of course, but I can have my things packed by tomorrow morning. Or tonight, if I leave now…" he trailed off as he calculated exactly where he could afford to find a flat while he continued to work on his project. "The paps will have a field day," he chuckled nervously, running a hand over his head.

"I don't care about the paps!" she exclaimed, bringing her arms closer around herself.

"No, no, of course you don't." Rose never belonged here. Neither did he, for that matter, not technically, but… All those months ago when he, the other he, left them on that beach, the part-human Doctor had hoped they could both belong here, together. Nothing had been going right since the TARDIS disappeared on that beach.

They'd been holding hands so tightly that it felt as if they had never been apart. However, as soon as she let go, an awkwardness that had never been there before threatened to suffocate them. Jackie had filled in the silence, but the chasm between him and Rose couldn't be wider. They may as well have still been separated by the Howling.

Things fluctuated from there. Some days they were good, she would remember he really was the Doctor and would smile her special smile right at him. They would joke, laugh, and have fun. Other days she would get a look in her eyes that told him she may physically be with him, but her mind was elsewhere. They fought over petty things like him fixing (" _Destroyin’_!") the toaster or where to go for chips (she preferred the place around the corner from Torchwood and he had found an out-of-the-way chippy five blocks off). When she had asked him to move in with her ("I'm going crazy here at my mum's and I bet you are too."), he thought they were making progress.

Suddenly, they were fighting about Omega-only-knows-what and he's shouting, at Rose, "I'M NOT _HIM_!"

She was deathly silent after that, whirling around and slamming the flat door. It was the middle of the night and he had wanted to go after her.

In fact, he did, catching just as she was nearing the staircase.

Before he could utter a word, she turned right back around and, in a calm voice that made him feel like he'd sunk into a sea of ice, said, "Don't follow me. I don't need you. I haven't needed you in a very long time."

He'd watched her descend and didn't move for a very long time. Since then, nothing's been the same between them and anytime he caught her looking at him, it felt like she was waiting for a bomb to go off. As if he wasn't _him_.

"Doctor? Doctor!"

Rose's voice snapped him out of his trip down memory lane and he stared at her, eyes wide.

"What?" he squeaked out, grimacing and clearing his throat.

"I asked, ‘How do you suppose you'll get back without destroying both universes?’" Her arms were at her sides now, but it looked like she was forcing herself to look as open and nonchalant as possible.

"What?" he repeated, this time confusion colouring his voice. What in Gallifrey's name was she talking about?

"The Cannon." She gestured at the work surface. "We couldn't figure out how to use it without cracking the whole of reality, but I'm sure you have an idea."

"Not really," he answered, rubbing the back of his head. "But, for you, I'll figure it out."

This time it was her turn to be confused. "What?"

"You miss him," he stated, matter-of-fact. "You haven't said anything, but ever since that night-"

"I _don’t_ -"

"You haven't looked at me the same," he interrupted her protests. "You don't see me anymore. You see the other me." He looked down at all the bits and bobs littering the surface, trying not to be bitter about it, but it was hard when all he ever wanted was a life with Rose Tyler. He thought after that last time on Bad Wolf Bay he would have his forever with her, but instead he'd have to let her go. Again.

"That's because you are him!"

The surety and vehemence in her voice had him looking up so quickly, he was surprised he didn't get whiplash.

"Ever since _that night_ ," and that's one of the things he loved about Rose, her difficulty with hiding how she felt, because she definitely sounded bitter, "I've just been waiting for you to disappear." Her hazel eyes welled with tears and he willed them not to fall. He could not stand to see her cry and would do everything in his power to keep them away. "To run away, like he, _you_ , always have." She inhaled sharply, crossed her arms again, and pressed a fist to her lips, as if she were containing anything else she wanted to say.

His jaw dropped, breath escaping in a long whoosh, and it was a few second before he remembered that he actually needed to breathe in this body. What could he say to that? He looked at Rose curl into himself and he realised he'd never seen her look so small, so withdrawn into himself _and it was all his fault_. Suddenly, he knew just what to say. Walking around the table, he stood just close enough that she had to straighten up, spine rigid, and head tilted back so she could look up at him. That was the Rose he knew, had loved from the start, and had grown even stronger.

"Rose." Tucking his hands into his pockets so he wouldn't reach out to her, not yet anyway, he continued, "You're right. I am the Doctor. More precisely, I'm the Doctor and I _was_ him. We may share the same mind, but we've had different experiences by now. Being here, with you, with only one life to live, it's helped me put things in perspective. I was an idiot, I _am_ an idiot. I've had chance after chance to have a life with you and I've done nothing. Before, it's because I was afraid to watch you age, wither, die. Or worse, that you would leave before I was ready to say goodbye… After," he sniffed, "after, I lost you, I promised myself, if I ever found a way to bring you back, I would never let you go."

Rose laughed, lacking humour. "Broke that promise rather quickly."

He gave her a half-smile. "Didn't take into account a Human-Gallifreyan biological metacrisis. I didn't know what he was going to do, but I can't say I was against it. A life with you, Rose Tyler? I wouldn't miss it for the world." Head turning so she wouldn't see as his heart broke, he uttered, "I'm just sorry I'm not enough. I swear I'll get you back to m- him, if it's the last thing I do." Silence threatened to overwhelm them until he just caught her whisper and he turned around.

"You're right." She looked up at him, eyes blinking as tears rolled down her cheeks. "You _are_ an idiot. I seem to recall saying that I haven't needed you for a long time. It's true, I grew up and I don't need you… but I'll never stop _wanting_ you. _This_ you. The other Doctor, he left. You stayed. You, you told me." She breathed in. "You told me the words I always knew, the words I didn't need to hear, but wanted. _I love you_ , I've always loved you. I was," she broke off to wipe her face with her sleeves, "I was a bit confused, at first, but I knew, here," she put a hand right over her heart, before reaching out and taking the final step that separated them and pressing her palm against his chest, his heart beating wildly at the touch, "and here, that you were my Doctor. We've both changed, for the better, I hope. It just, it's taking us a while to find our ground, yeah?"

He pressed his hands over hers, clutching it desperately and stared into her hazel eyes. "I thought, I just want you to be happy."

"That's all I've ever wanted for you too. And I thought you weren't happy here," she gave a little sniffle that made his heart want to burst. "I guess we were both idiots." She laughed.

Shaking his head, he joined her. "You, Rose Tyler? Never. Me? I guess I need a hand to hold, make sure I don't get into too much trouble."

"Together?" She searched his eyes and he held her gaze as he responded.

"Together." When he felt the tugging of his suit jacket, he happily bowed his head to meet his lips with hers.


End file.
